I am a little annoyed at the moment. The reason is because of..
We recently celebrated our 1 year anniversary. It’s crazy how fast the time went by. It’s as if he’s always been by my side. I am so grateful towards God for putting him in my life.
Evan is not romantic. Not romantic at all haha, but I still asked him to try and surprise me. He tried lol. The day before our anniversary I went to his place. He was working, so I lay down on his bed and played on my phone. On his bed I saw a box which I had never seen before. So I asked Evan about it and his reaction was.. Continue reading
It’s one of those nights again. I know thinking about the past doesn’t do me any good. The longer I think about what happened.. the more I remember.. the sadder I feel. The pain I once felt will show its presence and the memories I thought I had forgotten slowly come back one by one.
It will never hurt that much again, that’s for sure. But it’s moments like these that will make me question everything all over again. Somewhere down there.. I am still yearning for a truthful answer and a definitive closure.
It’s been so many years already and by now I’ve an idea of why it happened the way it did. Still… I hope to hear the truth directly from him one day.
Sigh.. It really is one of those nights haha
This morning when I woke up.. I made a huge mistake. I woke up from a dream and wanted to share it with Evan. I normally share my weird dreams with him, but also because it involved him this time.
So I got on my Whatsapp and saw that I received messaged from a few people. One of the messages I received was from a family group chat with family from my mom’s side. My grandparents, uncles and aunts from Hong Kong, Canada, Shanghai and the country I live in and also my cousins. Here it comes.. I THOUGHT I went to the chat with Evan and told him about my dream. I even finished it with..
Good morning love!
I had a dream about Ethan last night. It’s been a while since I last dreamt of him. Last time I did was probably almost a year ago. Like all the many other dreams I have of him.. he was chasing me while I was running away.
I wonder why I had this kind of dream. Is it because of what I was thinking about right before I slept? Before I slept, I had some troubles falling asleep. I was overthinking things and my heart hurt.
I wasn’t even thinking about Ethan, but I was thinking about Evan’s ex. For some reason.. last night it really bothered me. The fact that I am not his first and will never be.
I am not the original. Instead I will probably forever be ‘the other girl’ or ‘the new girl’. There are not many firsts left for me anymore. Many feelings, actions and conversations are most likely recycled. The thing that bothered me most was.. when I thought about them touching each other. Is he touching me the same way he touched her? Did he also caress her hair or give her back hugs? Are there things he’s refraining himself from doing or saying because of her?
Sigh.. I don’t even know why I feel so bothered!
Sorry, I know it’s been a while since I last wrote an entry. I’ve been very busy with my minor controlling. I am making long days at college. If I’m not listening to a lecture, I’ll be working one of the many business cases or projects. Almost done though. This week I needed to hand in all of my business cases and projects. From next week on for 3 weeks long.. I’ll be busy with studying and taking the exams. After I am finished with those.. I’ll be free! This year also went by very fast.
And now the title of this entry..
Maybe you should quite..
So.. a few hours ago, my mom whatsapped me and asked me whether she could call me. She knows I’m busy with finishing my reports and studying for my exams. When I saw her message, I called her. What she asked me was..
My last update was quite a while ago, sorry! I have been so busy with my ongoing projects and the deadlines. Drowning in all the work I still need to do. After 4 months I have my final exams for this year as well and I’ll be going on a retreat.
I still haven’t started studying for the exams, because I don’t have any time.. aigoo~
The retreat is a weekend church camp with a bunch of youngsters my age. The camp is from Friday till Sunday. I am in the decoration team, so I’m responsible for the decoration and the goodie. The goodie this year will be a cape. The sports team names are Superman & Batman. We’re going to handmade each cape and we still haven’t started yet. The camp is in 3 weeks time. To tell you the truth.. we haven’t started on anything at all lol. We’ve all been busy, but we’ve already picked a date to start on the decoration and capes.
Another excited news.. Evan and I have booked a trip to Paris in July today. We’ll only be going for a day though. Yesterday he told me there was a special action going on with the train tickets, only €40 in total. So today we picked a date and got the tickets. Very excited, since it’ll be our first trip abroad. Even though it’s only a 1 day trip.. I am still happy.
There’s more! I’ll be leaving for Hong Kong and Japan in August. For 3 weeks this time. I will be visiting the family in Hong Kong and then fly off to Kyoto and Osaka a week after. I most highly won’t update during that time, just like last time.
What more? That’s it I think? Oh wait, I am almost finished with my 366 project. As soon as I finish I will post the photo’s hehe.
For now.. this is it. Thank you for reading my update and love you ❤
I had a weird dream last night. Is it weird when I say.. I dream almost every night? I don’t always remember them, but sometimes I do. Especially when they’re remarkable or realistic.
Last night’s dream.. was.. not very pleasant. The reason why I dreamt that, might have been because I was reading through my old Whatsapp messages with Evan. I began reading from the beginning. The first time he spoke to me on Whatsapp. By the time I got really sleepy I had read about 2 months. We were not dating back then.
I was just thinking about the us back then. I would have never thought that we would be together now. He was someone I didn’t believe that would ever be interested in me. I am glad he did though haha.
While reading the messages.. I also started to think about his ex-girlfriend. Thinking about it.. it hasn’t been that long since they broke up. It has been barely 3 years. Somewhere I am still kind of scared that he cannot forget her. The intimacy of a relationship.. all the first times that he shared with her.. I wonder whether I remind him of her sometimes.
Anyway.. I am wandering off lol. I was going to talk about the dream I had last night!
I’ve started on my personal project 366. It’s the number of days that Evan and I will be together. This year was coincidentally leap year, hence the 366 days instead of 365. I know our anniversary date is still far away.. like.. 4 months.
However.. my project is quite some work. My concept is a medicine bottle. The “medicine bottle” will be bought. For sure am I going to buy one made from glass, but I am still hesitating about the shape. I’ve already looked around and seen a few that I liked. I need to wait before I can decide which one is suitable though. It needs to contain my important “medicine”.
The “medicine bottle” will be filled with 366 white origami roses and 366 red origami hearts. Both the roses and hearts will be one by one centimeter. Inside the roses I will put messages written on light pink paper.
I know it’s kind of hard to visualize this. I will post a photo of it once I’m finished. I’ve done this kind of present once before. I made one for Elaine about 6 years ago. Hers was a lot more work, because I folded 1000+ roses and had to write 1000+ messages.
I cannot wait to give it to Evan and see his reaction ❤
God surprises me all the time. I have been very panicky lately and have not been able to sleep well because of my upcoming exams. This morning I woke up with a mild panic attack. It is now my second time waking up with one. I am not sure whether I have said it before.. but waking up with panic is not a great way to start the day. Not at all. However, God takes care of me. He makes sure to remind me of this fact whenever I forget. I forget how great He is when stress and fear really get to me.
Yesterday night, I was having a bad panic attack. All sorts of negative thoughts went through my mind. It was hard to snap out of it..
Suddenly, I thought about this bible verse. I think it was God who reminded me of this verse. I looked it up and felt instant peace.